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Darling, where did we fall?
When was it over?


My suitcase smells musty. Then again, it's been tucked away in the attic, unused and un-thought of. It was one of those things that was purchased for me, before I could even stand on my own two feet...a case bought for a day that I was never told about, and for which I could never truly prepare.

I fold my possessions into tiny cubes; all my thoughts, all my dreams, all my childish games of old are tucked into the corners of this dusty, grimy case, and I know they will never unfold in quite the same way. My carefree summer days, running about barefoot in the cool grass...I put those days in this case. The nights of winter, sipping hot chocolate by the fire with my best friend, laughing over some lame joke...yup, that's packed away, too. But it will never become uncreased, these memories that I stuff into this trunk. They will never be fresh again. They will grow old and wrinkled, monotone and forever fading.

I lug my overburdened heart down the stairs into the car that smirks outside my fortress. I gaze up longingly at the rock walls that kept me so blissfully ignorant for so many years, until the vehicle behind me coughs impatiently, a cloud of brume blacking out my beloved castle. When the smog finally clears, there is nothing left. No familiar stone work, no drawbridge that allowed my imagination to come and go as it pleased...just a barren gravel pit, devoid of life, devoid of love.

The drive to the station is grey, with thick, billowing clouds that look so low that I could reach out and touch them. It's oppressing. As I travel, not knowing or caring who the driver is, I see the clouds form into an oddly comforting shape, like a fluffy towel being wrapped around a small child after a warm, relaxing bath. The mother's hands are embracing her offspring in a protective circle of understanding and care...

I blink.

It's gone.

The train station is crowded when I arrive, and the car I travelled in doesn't even wish me farewell, but speeds off in a screech of rubber that burns my ears. There is a babble of different languages, none of which I understand or care to understand. I am bumped and bruised, passers-by ramming me into the stone pillars that line the tracks. My flesh cringes at the thought of boarding my train, and I hug my suitcase to me, trying to keep what precious memories I have left intact. I fear many are broken and torn already.

I am pushed aboard this mystery train, its tracks headed deep into a fog that covers the tracks. I am forced onto this bullet, not told where I am going or even what I am doing, simply told that I must. Because everyone else is.

That is no answer to me at all. But if I must, I must...

As I hang on, leaning out the door of the long tube of metal, amongst all the different people that mill about the station floor, I spy her.

Brown, bowl-cut hair. Long, buttercup-yellow tee shirt. Rainbow tights. Bright white sneakers. The grace of youth and the liveliness of those who have the gift of joy.

Her shoulders are unburdened by cares. Her eyes are unhindered by worries. Her brow is untroubled by the chaos around her. Her smile is not a mask to cover her fear and shame, but rather, it is the most precious jewel she carries, and she wears with pride and happiness. She is without a horror in the world, her mind only weighed down by the thoughts that her make-believe world conjures for her. And she controls it. She has her masters to deal with the outside jungle...they deal with the burdens of everyday life, the woes of the world. She is simply basking in the sun's glow, and indeed, a single shard of light illuminates her face.

I call out of her, this beautiful, pure creature, and I plead with her. I try to break free of the human wall that now blocks my exit from this damnable train ride to nowhere, this mystery tour of the earth beyond my doorstep. She simply smiles a gap-tooth smile, and waves. I scream for her to adopt me, to take me in her arms and tell me that all will be fine. I ask her to take me with her, back to the glorious realms of a child's innocence, where the sun is shining and even when you are sad, you are happy.

She turned, her hair bouncing, and her laughter ringing. I scream at her, but her steps are sure-footed and her pace is quick. The guards push me back onto the train, which now roars with steam and smoke, the metal under my feet moving. I yell to her again, and fight the guards, trying to release their grip on me so I can chase this memory, this ghost of a former self, back to a happy place in my mind, back to my days of youth. But these dictators will not let me leave.

I look back to my saviour, the one who could set me free...

She is gone.

And so am I.
This is the piece I am submitting for the "Face Your Fears" contest, over at :iconwe-write-to-escape:

This is a piece that highlights one of my biggest fears.

Growing up.

This work highlights my fear of leaving behind my cozy little world of ignorance and dreams, heading towards a destination that I am unfamiliar with, not knowing where I am going or what awaits me there. I miss my days of having other people do the worrying for me, while I played in the lush realms of my imagination.

It's immature and rather greedy of me, but I don't care. It's a fear of mine. So I write about it. Oh, I should mention that the open phrases, in italics, are from the song "Innocente" by Delerium. Awesome song, ch-check it out!

Comments and critiques are most welcome!
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:iconimperfect-parachute:
imperfect-parachute Featured By Owner Jul 7, 2012  Student Writer
Congratulations!! Your piece has come in 3rd Place in the Face Your Fears Contest at #We-Write-To-Escape!! :airborne:
[link] and [link]
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:iconheadmistressmercedes:
HeadmistressMercedes Featured By Owner Jul 7, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
:la: Thank you so much! SO excited!!! :squee:
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:iconimperfect-parachute:
imperfect-parachute Featured By Owner Jul 7, 2012  Student Writer
You're welcome!! =D
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:iconstarija:
Starija Featured By Owner Jul 7, 2012  Student Writer
if i reply to my own comment, you probably won't see this. but i realize now that you already know about the grammar for 'its', based on your author's comment. well now, i'm pointing out your mistake then.
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:iconheadmistressmercedes:
HeadmistressMercedes Featured By Owner Jul 7, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Haha, thanks anyway dear. Yes, I do know the difference, but you are correct, I did make a lil' mistake, there...must've slipped in while I was on a writing roll :D But seriously, thank for pointing that out...I'ma go correct it now...
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:iconstarija:
Starija Featured By Owner Jul 7, 2012  Student Writer
you're welcome! in this comment just now, sorry for sounding uh..difficult? mean? i just wanted to fix my explanation/the misunderstanding. lol
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:iconheadmistressmercedes:
HeadmistressMercedes Featured By Owner Jul 7, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
No, don't be sorry! I'm happy you pointed it out...I can sometimes overlook my errors...like I said, sometimes when my fingers get a-tapping, I lose sight of proper grammar. Plus, I admit...I do sometimes get confused with "it's" and "its"...my weak spot :blush:
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:iconstarija:
Starija Featured By Owner Jul 7, 2012  Student Writer
i lose sight of my grammar, too, at times, though most of the time it's like i don't let myself 'cause i'm aiming to be a perfectionist at the English language. ...not to mention a bunch of other languages also when i learn them later on. lol
oh, it's your weak spot? get it? ;D (lame joke just now lol) perhaps i can offer this one advice or something. whenever you see those two words "it's" and "its", force yourself to stop a second and remember the differences before you type them, or even force yourself to write perfect English when it's time to use them. if this doesn't work, then another could be trying to make sense of them. like think which makes sense in "the tree's branches", "it is branches" or "its branches"? sorry if i'm a confusing you, and i'm sorr(ier)--nonexistent word--if you've already been told this.
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:iconheadmistressmercedes:
HeadmistressMercedes Featured By Owner Jul 7, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
AHAHAHAHAHAHA :sarcasm: No really, though...that was funny ^.^

I always try to remember a lil' song sung by one of my fave internet cartoons, Strong Bad (dunno if you've ever heard of Homestar Runner, but this character is part of that site) "OOOOH if you want it to be possessive, it's just "ITS", buuuut if it's supposed to be a contraction, then it's "IT'S"...scallywag!" Eeheehee, but yeah...I still sometimes stumble.

I also try my hardest to get my grammar and spelling, too, because I believe English is one of the most abused of the languages, and I want to try and bring some structure and beauty back into a language that I also consider one of the ugliest, even though it doesn't HAVE to be.
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:iconstarija:
Starija Featured By Owner Jul 8, 2012  Student Writer
English is ugly?? well i guess it might be. i never thought of that. i just think of it as my obsession, and that's that. lol
but nope, i never heard of Homestar Runner! i don't think i know too many internet cartoons, if any at all. i just looked up scallywag in my microsoft word's dictionary, which pointed to 'scalawag'. weird word.
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:iconheadmistressmercedes:
HeadmistressMercedes Featured By Owner Jul 8, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Hmm...really..."scalawag"? Well, I wouldn't be surprised if we all just started spelling it like we say it...we do that a lot.

Yes, in my opinion, English is one of the ugliest languages. I say this because, after watching quite a few foreign language films (ugh, I sound like such a hipster when I say that :P) I just feel English is...clunky. It's slow, awkward, and not exactly musical. Now don't get me wrong, English can be beautiful...that's what you and I are working so hard for, but it just gets so abused. I personally would love to learn Mandarin, maybe one of the Scandinavian languages, Italian, Russian, and Japanese. They all sound gorgeous to me.
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(1 Reply)
:iconstarija:
Starija Featured By Owner Jul 7, 2012  Student Writer
i don't know if you already know about this error, but i'll explain it anyway.
"I am pushed aboard this mystery train, it's tracks headed deep into a fog that covers the tracks."
the word "it's" you used here is actually a contraction for the words 'it is'. 'its', without the apostrophe, refers to possession, so that should be used instead.
on another note, good job on the story.
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:iconimperfect-parachute:
imperfect-parachute Featured By Owner Jun 23, 2012  Student Writer
Hi! I am pleased to tell you that your piece has been selected in the Top 10 of the Face Your Fears contest at #We-Write-To-Escape! You are now in the running to win!
Good luck!! =D
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:iconheadmistressmercedes:
HeadmistressMercedes Featured By Owner Jun 23, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
EEEE really??? YAY! Thank you so much! Honoured even to be thought about!! :glomp:
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:iconimperfect-parachute:
imperfect-parachute Featured By Owner Jun 23, 2012  Student Writer
You're most welcome!! =D
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:iconimperfect-parachute:
imperfect-parachute Featured By Owner Jun 23, 2012  Student Writer
OMG! I love this! It is great! I completely share your fear. I think everyone, at some stage in their life, feels similar to this.
I love the way you represented it as well, just great!! =D
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:iconheadmistressmercedes:
HeadmistressMercedes Featured By Owner Jun 23, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Thanks so much hun! I agree, I think it's a fear that everyone experiences at one point in time or another, but, though it may seem a little on the emo side of me, I think my fear goes that little bit beyond most people. Maybe that's just me, though ^.^

Thanks again, luv!
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:iconimperfect-parachute:
imperfect-parachute Featured By Owner Jun 23, 2012  Student Writer
You're welcome!
It really is a great piece!
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:iconcrazi-4-muffinz:
crazi-4-muffinz Featured By Owner Apr 13, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Growing up sucks. I'm 20 & I still have no idea what the hell I'm doing.
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:iconheadmistressmercedes:
HeadmistressMercedes Featured By Owner Apr 13, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
I hear that, hun. I kinda know what I want to do, but I have no sweet clue as to how the hell to get going on it. And while most people say they feel the same way, they at least seem like they have a clue. I can't even pretend I know what I'm doing.
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:iconcrazi-4-muffinz:
crazi-4-muffinz Featured By Owner Apr 13, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
I went to college for awhile, but my anxiety issues pretty much put an end to that. I still get nauseous going to the same town that my college was in. I guess I'll eventually have to go back, but I hate even thinking about it. I've worked in a couple factories, but that was just awful. So basically right now I'm just doing nothing with my life. >.<
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:iconheadmistressmercedes:
HeadmistressMercedes Featured By Owner Apr 13, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
I went to college, and actually had a pretty good time, given that it was much different from high school (the only thing that kept me in high school was band, which I adored and still miss) and the people in college were super nice (most of the time :P) But the diploma I got (BA-Marketing) has done jack shit for me...I spent a year unemployed, a few months in retail (which I LOATHE) and now work as a receptionist, which is a step up from retail, but the fact that I hate phones and talking on them is a bit of an issue. I've tried getting jobs at marketing firms, of which there are several around here, but they won't even respond to me, even if it's "Thanks, but no thanks." It bugs me so much.
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:iconturnipgirl1:
Turnipgirl1 Featured By Owner Apr 23, 2012
This piece is so beautiful, it captures the loss of childhood perfectly. Don't mean to butt in on the conversation but I know exactly how you feel. I really wish there was a way to know how to go about achieving your dreams, I'm stuck here too with no clue how to get to where I want to be (and I'm not getting any younger or happier.) And yes, Retail absolutely sucks. I hope you finally get what you want someday.
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:iconheadmistressmercedes:
HeadmistressMercedes Featured By Owner Apr 23, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you so much! I find the world can be so scary sometimes, and I can't even pretend to know what I'm supposed to be doing.

I hope you find your happiness too, sweetie, wherever it may lay. It's out there somewhere, our happiness and our goals...we just gotta strike out and find it, even if the rain is pouring.

In the meantime, have one of my magical cookies to ease the pain :aww: :cookie:
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:iconturnipgirl1:
Turnipgirl1 Featured By Owner Apr 24, 2012
I completely agree. Thanks, I'm sure we will! *Takes magical cookie* :hug:
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